Why is trying to pick a career so difficult?

How the tyranny of choice, commitment issues, and the myth of the self-made man contributes to the stress of trying to pick a career.

There is a question that strikes fear into the heart of teenagers and young adults. It is a question that was once a thrilling imaginative exercise that provoked thoughts of excitement and wonder in us as children, but as we grow older, year by year, the question stirs more and more anxiety. The answer to this question will frame how people think about you. It will be the first thing people ask about you. It will be one of the first things your parents and friends will say about you. And most importantly, it has the potential to set the course for the rest of your life. Oh, and you are supposed to have this question answered by the age of 18. What’s the question you ask?

In short, “What do want to be when you grow up?”

The prospect of trying to select a career as a young adult is a daunting one, but I think we make it more difficult than it needs to be. There are few reasons why it feels so difficult. One is because of the overwhelming number of options, another is because of the level of commitment, and another is because of the social pressure and standards around the word “success.” Each of these factors contributes to the sense that as an 18-year-old, you ought to know what you want to do for the rest of your life.

By the way, if you are someone who knows exactly what you want to be, have a 10-year plan ready to go, and are in hot pursuit of your goals, good for you. This essay is not for you. If, however, you come to a point in that pursuit where you realize something has changed, that you no longer know who you are or what you want to be, feel free to return.

For those who do struggle with this question, stick around. This is something I have wrestled with myself. Having started and left two different career paths, I understand the feeling of not having a clear direction. I do believe, however, that through my study and reflection, I have found a better way to look at the issue. Or, at the very least, a way that has given me a better sense of direction. This approach is based on certain Biblical principles of work, examples from admirable people, and it even is at the heart of what makes a good story.

This is going to take longer than one newsletter to build out, but I hope that you stick around. This is the approach I am incorporating into my life, and maybe it will help you as well.

For this week’s newsletter, I want to dive deeper into some of the reasons why deciding what you want to be is so difficult, and frankly, how absurd it is that we expect 18-year-olds to have that answer.

To be clear, this will probably not be an exhaustive diagnosis, but merely my thoughts on the matter. There are certainly many factors that contribute to this problem, such as our education system, social media, cultural decay, moral decay, and religious disintegration. While those factors would be interesting to look at, and I will probably look at them at some point, this week is not the time for that. These are my initial thoughts on the issue.

The Tyranny of Choice

We live in a society that prizes individual freedom, and individual choice. Between the vast collection of online streaming services, toothpaste options, personal hygiene products, music selections, clothing styles, etc. there is a perfect fit for everyone based on their individual needs, tastes and desires. This has been extended to the domain of careers as well. While in the past your career selection was dependent on socio-economic position, geographical area, parental influence and many other factors outside your control; now, with the help of government financial assistance and the internet, you have the vast catalog of career options at your disposal.

America is built on the idea of individual freedom and the pursuit of happiness. That means you are free to choose whatever career you want. Do you want to be a doctor, a lawyer, a teacher, an accountant, a graphic designer, a radiologist, a statistician, a psychologist, a botanist, a photographer, a videographer, a music producer, a nurse practitioner, a chiropractor, a physical therapist, an orthodontist, an anesthesiologist, a digital marketer, a manager, a college professor… I think you get my point. We live in a large society with many functions that need individuals to fill them. You have the option to pursue any one of them. Sounds fantastic right? Wrong. While the ability to do anything you want sounds phenomenal, the plethora of options typically leads to anxiety and paralysis rather than enthusiasm. Why? Because how are you supposed to choose the right one. You know you get to pick, but how do you decide? Having a vast array of option can be a good thing, but it isn’t always. Anyone who has tried to pick a movie on Netflix understands this.

Commitment Issues

It’s not just the overwhelming number of options that makes it difficult, but the level of commitment this decision requires. The difference between selecting a movie on Netflix and a career is that even if the movie is terrible, it will be over in 2 hours (if you don’t turn it off before then.) A career, however, is a supposedly lifelong commitment. This one decision doesn’t just affect your next two hours, but has the potential to affect the rest of your life. It will determine if you go to college, where you go to college, how long you will be in school, how much debt you will go in, where you will live, what books you read, the type of people you will spend your day with, and probably much more. Moreover, your job title will be a big part of how people think about you. When you meet someone new, after learning their name, what is the second thing you ask about them? “What do you do?” Whether we like it our not, what we do is a major part of how people define us. It is a big commitment.

Furthermore, we live in a culture that hates commitment. Everyone wants to “try before you buy”, move-in with someone before you're married, avoid labels in romantic relationships, and take everything for a trial run. We hate committing to things. Why? Because what if we commit to the wrong one? What if I say yes to this car, this person, this career right now, but something better comes along in a year? We hate committing to something because we want to have certainty. We need to know something is right before we commit. Show me the evidence. Let me see the data. What do the experts say? We love certainty, and the bigger the commitment, the bigger need for certainty we feel.

When we apply this to picking a career, not only is there an overwhelming number of options but the level of commitment demands from us a level of certainty. We want to know that this career is the right one. This puts a lot of pressure on us. But why do need this level of certainty? One could say it’s just virtuous prudence, but I think it’s deeper than that. I think the pressure for certainty stems from our culture’s definition of success, and the myth of the self-made man.

The Myth of the Self-Made Man

To be prudent is one thing, but to feel like you have to be certain that every decision you make is the right one is an entirely different thing. While one is virtuous, the other is the very definition of pride. We live in a culture that values the latter. However, this need for certainty isn’t necessarily about predicting the future, discerning right or wrong options, or intuiting God’s divine will for our life. It is more about manifesting our own will, and as the phrase goes, being “the authors of our own lives.” This is what success means in America. It is about deciding who you want to be, and making that happen. It is not trying to discern the right careeer path for you, but manifesting and molding your life into whatever you want it to be.

We think that it is up to us to decide our futures, to create the lives we want, to build our careers, our legacies, our wealth and ultimately to build a name for ourselves. We think our fate is in our own hands, and with enough will-power, hard-work and determination, we can do/be whatever we set our minds to. Our heroes aren’t the heroes of faith, but the heroes of industry, and ingenuity. We look up to Steve Jobs, Henry Ford, Benjamin Franklin, Elon Musk, Sam Walton; Or for women, Taylor Swift, Dolly Parton, Sarah Blakley, J.K. Rowling, *insert your modern day hero*. Our hope for success today comes from our faith in ourselves, our free system, and our ability to manifest the life we want. That means, to be succesful, you need to have an answer to the question “What do you want to be when you grow up?”

You have to have a sure plan for your life, and you need to be certain about it. If you have doubts, you’re unmotivated. If you change your mind, it’s because you’re weakminded. If you don’t have a clear direction, it’s because you’re a freeloader. If you do have a goal, but are unsure of the steps to get there, it’s beacuse you are lazy. In a society that values will-power, drive, and certainty, those who are unsure are seen as a failure. If you want to be successful, you have to pick something, set your mind to it, and make it happen. Or at least that’s what it feels like when you are trying to make this decision.

This pressure for certainty, coupled with the level of commitment, and the overwhelming number of options makes the question “what do I want to do with my life” daunting. Even if the idea of being the author of your own story, and being able to do/be whatever you want is true (which it is not, and I will write about that in the near future) the question still remains, “how do I decide what I want to do?” It is fine and dandy to know I need to set my mind to something and work towards it, but how do I decide what that thing is. The popular answer is actually found in the phrasing of the question, “What do I want to do with my life?” The key is the word want. The modern answer to that question is to do something you want to do, something you enjoy, something you are passionate about. While that is helpful in certain ways, there are a lot of problems with trying to pick a careeer based on what you enjoy. But, we will take a look at that next week.

Anyways, thanks for reading. If you found it helpful or valuable, please share with someone who you think could benefit. If you have any objections or questions, please leave a comment or shoot me a DM.

In the meantime, have a great week.

God bless you.